Divorced dad with 2 children?
I am 34 years old, single, no children, good-looking with a good job, nice home, lots of friends, interests and I am currently studying by evening for my masters. I meet men easily but never the right guy.
I am currently dating a divorced dad with 2 children who are 9 and 2 years old. He is only 29 years old. He got married to his ex because she became pregnant. He felt obliged to stay for the child but never really loved her. Then she had a second child, again against his will (she lied to him about taking the pill). He works as a baggage handler at the airport and she has a low paid job also so they couldn’t really afford a second child. Lot of problems continued after having the second child and they ended up divorcing. Then I met him and we fell in love. I love him deeply but he has absolutely no money. He lives in a room and the children come to stay with him there every second weekend. He is really good to them.
He says he loves me and would like to have a child with me in the future. However, I would have to pay for any children we have 100% as he has no money. I currently own a 2 bed apartment. If we wanted to have a child, I would have to buy a house and it would be me who would have to pay the mortgage almost fully. What should I do? I love him but the whole situation is complicated. I have one other question if I ever married him (and our incomes were combined) would he be forced to pay more alimony to his ex wife? Do you think I am still young enough to find a sinlge man with less baggage.
He can’t afford to take me out, go to restaurants or buy me flowers. I always pay for him when I take him out. Do you think even if I love him I will grow to resent him in this situation?
Would our combined incomes be taken into account for child support if I married him? I don’t think that is fair as I want to have enough money to pay for my own child.
He is a great guy who truly loves me deeply. I don’t mind paying for him now and again. He works hard and I am trying to help him get a better job so that he has more money to pay for his children.
I met his ex-wife. She told me that she regrets having trapped him and having the second child. She sometimes locks the 2 year old in a room for hours when he gets too noisy. I think this is outrageous. She asked her daughter to ask me how much I earn. I just don’t think I should be in this situation.
12. December 2008 at 11:39 am :
You will end up paying child support, but I am not sure about alimony. One of the top reasons for divorce is MONEY, so why even bother. I’m sorry, but all of his drama will make your simple life a living hell. Honestly, I would just part ways now and not settle. There are too many fish in the sea to settle for someone who is unstable in more than one way.
Like Tina Turner said…What’s love got to do with it?
14. December 2008 at 12:03 am :
well think you really need search your heart and look at the whole picture are you willing to take on an instant family you migth have to support your still young you have allot going for you you really have to look into your heart and see what you want with your life
15. December 2008 at 3:49 pm :
You won’t be expected to pay child support. You have no financial obligation to children that are not your own. If you make a million dollars a month and marry him and he only make 50 bucks the child support comes from his 50 not your million. If you two have a joint bank account that can be garnished but not your income. As far as alimony, there are different terms and conditons for that. Find out what they are. Courts are moving away from life long alimony in a lot of cases so find out what the stipulations are. Keep your finances seperate. He’ll understand. If you choose to get married go see a lawyer. You may love him but you want to protect your money and assests.
Why would you resent him for not being able to take you out? That’s no big deal really. He’s hard working right? He’s not a lazy bum who’s going to leech off of you. As long as he doesn’t expect to quit his job and live in the lap of luxury then what’s wrong for paying for things. He’d probably appreciate it.
Also, don’t worry about him not having money. Is he a great guy? Does he love you? Do you love him? Will you both work hard to make this work?
18. December 2008 at 1:14 am :
I couldn’t read after the second paragraph…
I have to ask you honey, what are you doing? Do you now know what you are getting yourself into? I think you do you have to put it down for strangers so you can see it yourself.
How much do you care about yourself? That is my first question I have to think to myself not much. You are with a man who lives in a one room apartment and has no money and 2 kids. His wife took a gun to his head and said “Wear a condom or I will kill your ass?”.
Somehow I don’t see that as the case, as a matter of fact I think it to be quite the opposite. He is a lazy *** who did not feel like wearing a condom and when his “Wife” became pregnant he bailed. He made excuse after excuse and she got rid of him. You then picked up her refuse and called it your own because of your tendency to impose self hatred on yourself.
I know you are so much smarter than that and I know there is a man who is perfect for you and doesn’t have to improve much on himself…
Good luck!
20. December 2008 at 9:53 pm :
don,t look good at all.give it time to see if he wakes up.
21. December 2008 at 2:33 pm :
Love is a the first thing to start of with but in time I believe you will not be happy. It is hard enough to go with someone that has two kids and then to have to carry him financially. Right now things are not bad because he can go home and you can go to your house. The day he brings all the baggage that he will bring with him, it will be different. You need to tell him that he has to look for a different job and see how hard he tries to do that…One of your questions was if they will combine the two salaries and that is a yes…If he comes to live with you i believe you have already started to reject even the idea of how things will end up and that is that you are at the very start of your possible relationship, can you see what would happen if he was with you and what you might turn him into with your possible resentment that I am 100 percent sure you would tell him at one point and how you might belittle him. NO this will not work out not for you or for him. He is a good man but you might bring out a side of him you do not want to know when he starts to get on your nerves when you see your money going out of your pockets.